sight isn’t always necessary

I found out that Dr. S and Dr. L are the ones who assign grades, which I’m sure is with input from the other members of the P4. I have to talk to her in private and alone, because Dr. L delivered her baby prematurely. So, I’m going to be really really uncomfortable. I have to get over it though, because through it all, I deserved a better grade, and I’m going to fight to get it. No snooty rich bitch is going to take that away from me. I did write in my exit paper that I was going to probably hurt myself by writing the paper, though. Oh well. I’ll figure it out. Do you ever have days where you just don’t feel like doing anything you’re supposed to do, but you do them anyways? Like your entire day is just flying by around you, and you don’t really feel like being there in the first place? I’m having that kind of day. Plus, I’m extremely hungry, so most of my day has revolved around a hunger. Oh well. And I don’t have any cigarettes.

I came home from work today and Craig was really depressed. Do you know how hard it is to talk to a stone? Really hard. You pretty much always feel like they’re not listening, and the only way they’re going to do anything productive (like break a window, or trip someone on rollerblades) is if you pick them up and throw them. Anyways, I don’t have a lot to say today. I saw the Matrix the other day. Sometimes it’s easier to think that our life is really just like in the Matrix, and we shouldn’t feel so bad for the luck we get, because it’s all programmed in that way. We can’t fix anything because the computer tells us what to do. Too deep for ya! I can get deeper if I want to… but today I don’t want to. It’s just been a blah day. But I bought some stuff! YAAY! Clothing even! YAY YAY! Gotta go. You know, the things I wrote today make me look really shallow. I guess today I am a shallow person. Tomorrow I’ll be deep. Promise.

So, today I decided to go online and see what I got for my grade in Model UN. Lo and behold, I got a B. Who’da thunk it! After working my ass off for over three months, they have the audacity to give me a B! I looked over the syllabus a hundred times, and nowhere on there did it say that in order to get an A, you have to like everyone on the team. In fact, I hated everyone on the team (except the very minute few) and I never thought that it would hamper my attempts at receiving an A. I did my work, I participated in team events, I always turned whatever they wanted in on time, and still I get a B. It’s because I turned in that stupid paper telling them all what I truly thought. Well, in the syllabus it clearly says that the exit paper should “assess your own experience in the seminar and in New York, and offer a critique.” That’s what I did. After a horrific experience in New York, and being treated like trash by a lot of the other teammates, I decided to offer them a critique they hadn’t seen before. Who would dare write something negative about Dr. S’s little baby? Not a soul, I swear. NOT A SOUL! It’s amazing how many people kiss her ass in this university, and I’m not going to be one of them. She’s just a human being for god’s sake! AND, she’s a bitch! A lot of the things she has to say I disagree with! So why should I write a long essay about how much I learned from the seminar and how great it was when it truly sucked ass? I was completely disregarded in New York, and people even told me that I should just get over my hissy-fit and deal. Well, when you’re at a school-sponsored function, and the only place you CAN stay is in the hotel room they assigned you to, and you come back from a night on the town to find each of your roommates in each of the beds WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS, it’s not a good time. It shouldn’t have happened. We should have been warned that in New York, no one knows what the fuck they’re doing, and it’s going to be more than “stressful” – you’re going to want to kill people. NOBODY TOLD US. I honestly think that Dr. S. needs to take a GOOD LOOK at the thing she’s running here, and maybe revise her policies. A head delegate should not have more “rights” than a junior delegate. A second-year member of the team should not be assigned three junior delegates to take care of. There were many conflicts-of-interest in the team, and none of them were addressed. And Crystal should have gone to New York, ESPECIALLY since a piece of trash like Colleen was allowed to go! Crystal could have kicked Colleen’s ass a hundred times over, but Colleen was I guess a better butt-kisser than Crystal? Colleen is a BITCH! She’s immature, irrational, and nasty! She needs to go to Victoria’s Secret and discover what a BRA IS!!! Anyways, my mother says that I should just ignore these feelings, at least for the time being, and try to get on with the things that I actually need to focus on. I agree, but when this great news just keeps on flowing in, it’s hard to ignore. I wrote an e-mail to the “great four” and let them know that I FIRMLY DISAGREE with their decision, and I want to have a meeting with them to get it changed. I didn’t deserve a B, I deserved an A. I was a positive addition to the team, until we got to New York and I realized what bitches and fakers most of the team was. They all have pretty faces, but behind those strings are monsters! And I realized it! And I wasn’t going to let them take me in! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to have this meeting with the big four, but I’m afraid that I’ll get really emotional (like I always do) and start crying. I have to toughen myself up before then… You know what’s refreshing? They could actually tap into this blog, and I don’t care. FUCK THEM. Sorry for the swearing. You’d understand if you met them, or was ever in my situation. HEY! THE MODEL UN TEAM AT WRIGHT STATE UNIVERSITY IN 2003 IS FULL OF A BUNCH OF LYING, CHEATING, ASS-KISSING DILDOS! Those of you who don’t lie, cheat, or kiss ass are still OK in my book. But, what grade did you get?