sight isn’t always necessary

That other blog site sucks now. I can’t stand a few things (well, really I can’t stand a TON of things, but here’s what’s bugging me today)…
1) People who crunch food loudly near me (unless I’m participating, but random crunching interrupting the silence ticks me off)
2) People who preface all of their statements with qualifiers
3) People who change what they said in defense of what they said. ESPECIALLY when what they “said” was actually written, and you can go right back to it and read what they wrote in the first place.

The crunching comment can be taken at face value – crunching sucks. Period.

The second annoyance is really just that I don’t like it when people feel like they need to defend themselves before they even offend someone, and when they have to preface their statements with qualifiers you can pretty much guarantee that they are the opposite of what they’re claiming to be (or not to be). For instance, a person who says to you, “I’m not racist, but I really just don’t like living near black people” is pretty much guaranteed to be an extremely prejudiced person, if not just simply racist. People that say “I’m really not very judgmental” are probably analyzing every single move you make and forming judgments about you in every action you take. Don’t think that by feeding me a lie before you feed me your truths, that I actually ate the lie and will forgive you for being a douchebag.

The third annoyance is really in reference to the stupid family blog that we’ve recently decided to create… it’s annoying the crap out of me. Don’t say that you said _blah_ when really you said _blah blah_, and it’s RIGHT THERE IN PLAIN VIEW what you actually said! And somehow, probably because of how annoying it is to read Carole’s obnoxious posts, everyone just gives in and goes “Oh, we’re such great friends, this is the best thing ever”, and all is forgotten.

If I can’t write what I think of my family, especially my sister Carole, without being yelled at for saying something “unnecessary and not needed”, then fuck that crap. I’ll blog here instead. And I’m the only one who can respond, so I’ll get my one-sided argument in there, and I’ll feel better, and nobody, especially nobody in my immediate family, can once again ignore how manipulative and obnoxious Carole is and totally invalidate anything that I’ve ever felt about that wench.

Neener neener.

Connor wanted to have one of my old diaries today, and since I’ve evolved in to such an advanced form of journaling, I decided to let him have it. But it wouldn’t be right for me to let him draw little pictures of people over my ranting and raving from when I was 19, so I ripped those pages out first. But then I couldn’t throw the pages away, because some of the ranting sounded cool, so I’ll put ‘em here.

9/26/1998 (Jenny Makens, author)
Yo Lid -
Hey! Here’s a lil’ something, something to vent your thoughts & dreams (or what-ev) when everyone else is marching. Remember to keep your chin up & your hair attractive.

12/6/1999 (Me, author)
Today, I am so full of anger, frustration, excitement, I am absolutely tweaked out. Here’s the reason. I have decided today many things, none of which have any bearing on this here United States, or the world even. I have decided that I, a 19 year old child of the 80’s with no money and no future and no life – I am invisible. And so are you. Bill Gates, Muhammad Ali, Dr. Zhivago, Betty Boop – you are all invisible too. And yet, because we are so ignorant, we think that we actually matter. I don’t, but they do. You do. Not to make you feel insignificant and down, that is. It’s just a fact.

I was in a patient’s room today, chatting endlessly about her little “gas” problem, when I heard a doctor at the nurses station ask, “Where’s a tech? I need a cup.” I suddenly got furious, and I’m sure the interesting woman noticed that I was paying no attention to her when I suddenly, rudely, left the room. I know it is my job to be a shit-on in the wonderful hospital setting I work in, but I wanted to have my 30 seconds of fame. So I walked up to the doctor and said firmly, sharply, “Right this way.” I walked into the Pyxis supply room and boldly, ferociously, gently handed him the stack of cups. And that’s where I finally find my point. We may think big, exciting, even untamed thoughts that won’t forgive us for thinking them, but when it comes to applying them, we NEVER succeed. It’s not a depressing thought. It’s a liberating thought. It says, “Think, and be free.” Why must we put all of our thoughts to use? Why must we make everything that is so beautiful and invisible cloud up our vision? My theory – and you can take this coming from a 19-year old, or “just a technician”, or even a blonde (but it’s strawberry blonde) bimbo – my theory is to just let your mind go. And if it makes you happy to see unicorns in your bedroom, then see them.

So that’s all there is to it. More later. I’ve gotta go throw these pieces of paper away.

So today my stupid coworkers had a private lunch at some Korean restaurant nearby, and it’s just so annoying to listen to them talk about these secret plans anymore. Mom says that they’re probably never thinking about me, or at least not nearly as much as I’m thinking about them, but regardless, I continue to do so. I think for me the biggest problem I have is that I was friends with both of those bitches before they started working out so much – it’s like I’ve done something wrong by having a child and must now be punished for my misdeeds. Well, I’m sorry, but I love my son more than anything in the world, and I’d choose sitting in a rocking chair singing songs and reading stories with him at night over working out with a couple of self-centered, conceited and downright boring women any time. But they rub my nose in it constantly at work – so I can’t just forget about it and get on with my workday, I have to always have the reminder of my loserdom by hearing them talk with each other and laugh those annoying fake laughs and talk about all of their plans in a low rumble just outside my cube.

And another thing, why would Scott say that my new job was a ‘promotion’ when it’s very obvious that it wasn’t a promotion; it was a serious demotion and a major slap in the face. Every day that I see Casey walking around with her authoritarian hat on, I just cringe at the fact that I took this stupid job and actually thought it was going to be a respected and revered position. But JC, the new “cool” guy, very very obviously thinks very little of me, and doesn’t realize that having the praise and respect of Scott used to mean GREAT things for people in this company. I liked it so much better when he was the manager, and you just had to prove yourself in your performance and your code, you never had to look cool or talk cool or be cool for the rewards to come in. The preferential treatment I witness in the office is unbearable. The fact that Casey started out at SUCH a much higher salary than I did, and MUCH higher than Jay, and the fact that Jay is still sitting in that corner never getting any pat on the back for any of the work he does…

Ugh. I’m done with talking about it now, but I’m just stressed about it. And then Sandy has to call today and really make my week and weekend a dreadfully stressful and annoying hassle to even approach… I’m just sick of being pushed around all of the time!

Blech. I’ll write more on Friday. I’m being forced to take the day off due to some demanding aunt of mine. She’s already been named so I didn’t feel like writing it out again.

Blech again.