sight isn’t always necessary

In reality, I don’t need any more sunshine than I got yesterday. I’m burnt to a crisp, and it’s the nicest burn too – I have two beautiful sports-bra shaped red lines on my neck, all but yelling at passers-by that I spent too much time in the sun and here is my punishment. What they can’t see is that the burn extends down my arms and back, and it only gets redder the further down you look. It’s pretty stupid of me to go out without sunscreen on – after 26 years you’d think I would have some sense about me when I’m exposed to sunshine, but all sensibility was lost when I had that shovel in my hand. I was a mad gardener, and nothing, not even the sun, was going to get in my way.

So the point of the title is that I did have a good time this weekend, and I do want to share those stories with the people I have to spend every workday with. However, my sunshine (and my desire to divulge any of my experiences over the weekend) was overshadowed by the amazing sports stories of the great A. Here’s how a typical conversation starts and ends when she’s around:

Me: So you think it’s funny that my neck is burnt to a crisp, huh?
K: It is pretty funny. You know, they have this stuff called sunscreen…
Me: I know, I just thought that it’s April, y’know, so the sun isn’t that close to us yet, and I didn’t think I would get burnt so early in the season! Plus, I had so much gardening to do, and there’s a limited amount of time each weekend that I can devote to gardening, so I just didn’t think it through. And by the time I realized that I was burnt, it was too late.

… footsteps approach …

A: We’re lobster twins today! (casually lets cover-up sweater fall off shoulders to seductively show bright red burnt shoulders and neck)
Me: Yeah, I can see that – how did yours happen? (winces as question is spoken, realizing that it undoubtedly opened the floodgates of sport-related amour propre about to come from A’s mouth)
A: Playing sports. First I played softball with J, well actually we just played catch for about a half an hour, then we went over to the tennis courts to play tennis, but there were a few people playing so we had to wait for a court to open, so instead of sitting there we went for a jog while carrying 15 pound weights in both hands and chanting our favorite cadence, and we did a few squats along the way, and we were getting just SO ripped and sweaty and blah blah blah blah blah… (my eyes roll back into my head as I am enveloped with an IMMENSE sense of ultimate boredom)
K: Wow A, you’re just so amazing in all that you do, can you be my personal trainer and teach me your amazing workout ways? I wish I could be as ripped and sporty as you. Can you make my soul glow like yours does?

(Liz begins to fade out, becoming more and more transparent the longer A talks about her sporty sportiness)

Okay, so at the end (and some parts of the middle) the preceding dialogue got a little crazy, but it’s just so annoying how these kinds of conversations always turn into A’s personal self-glorifying sounding off. I didn’t ask for more information about how much she works out, nor is that of interest to most people – just do your workout, get fit, and show off the body, but please don’t tell us all about it constantly. It’s just a very obnoxious way to make us feel bad about ourselves and for you to feel better about yourself.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that. For today at least.