sight isn’t always necessary

For some reason I’m pissed today. I guess it’s a case of “The Mondays”. I’m just really super annoyed at everyone and everything. When I was driving in to work, I was in the right lane coming up to Boardwalk, and this bitch in the left lane decided she wanted over, NOW. I’m really never that giving on the road, so I basically stood my ground (as best you can while driving a car) and didn’t budge, didn’t slow down to let her in, and in fact sped up a little so she was stuck in her lane. Wench. So then she started to come over, and yet again, I didn’t move, I just kinda let her hang out in the middle-ish of the lanes, wondering when I was going to let her over, and making her look like a jackass. I was closing in on Boardwalk at the time, so I knew I was going to get over into the right turn lane in a moment anyway, and I was not going to let her cut in front of me, and possibly get a better parking spot than me. Ha! I’ve got priorities.

Then the bitch starts honking at me. HONKING AT ME! She was TRYING TO RUN ME OFF THE ROAD, and she thinks she has the right to honk at me, as if I was in her way?!?

I hope she dies.

On a lighter note, I got to work on time today. I was earlier than probably 75% of the office, and I also managed to get a coffee from downstairs on the way in. Fuckers. And nobody will notice, but I’ll feel better knowing (I guess, although sleep and not being here are really good things too) that I’m not a douchebag getting away with shit just because… because of what exactly? What DID certain people in this office do to get to whatever status they’re at? Is it just a matter of licking someone’s balls, or stroking someone’s huge ego? I’m not opposed to the former too much (as long as they’re clean), but the latter is crap and I completely refuse.

The worst part is, the people that usually are friendly to me are also being fuckwads (or, I should say, one of them), and that’s bringing me down as well. At least I have Harry Potter to look forward to tonight. Should be studying, but Harry has a magical power over me.

I don’t really care if anyone’s reading this today, cuz I’m feeling careless and reckless and apathetic. And insanely horny – don’t know why really, but for the past… year I guess… I’ve been an insatiable hornball. I was the same way back when I met Craig, and before that for a while too… I had a few years of depression there – oh yeah, and then a baby too – and I think now I’m making up for the lack of great unending sex during those years. I’m way too young to have missed any opportunities for an orgasm. Craig says I need a cure (he says that while whipping out… oh I’m sure you get the picture) – but I’m pretty sure that I know what the cure is, and it’s sex in any way I can get it, whenever the urge strikes. Sometimes the urge strikes at work, sometimes the urge strikes when Craig’s working – this presents a problem. Especially at work, since I’m quite aware that several of my coworkers find me attractive – I turn into a little cat in heat around them! Sheesh.

Fuckin’ penises. Why oh why do they have to be so much fun to suck on?

TMI, you say? Fuck yourself! (It’s fun.)

Saturday night I smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes. This is why I just can not go out with Craig’s coworkers, no matter how exciting a party is promised to be (and this one was SO not exciting). I get nervous about being out with people I don’t know, especially perfect ones like these are, and I buy a pack compulsively before I even get to the party. Then… I go crazy on them. And I only have 8 weeks left until this stupid half marathon, so smoking is the furthest thing from what I need to be doing at this point in the summer. I should be getting into some hard-core running… and yet with this stupid ankle injury, I’m not doing anything. Fuckin’ sports. On the plus side, one of Craig’s coworkers, Rob, kept introducing me to other people as “Craig’s sporty wife, Liz”, and bragging about how great I am at doing flips on the trampoline. Weird that he’d know about my flip expertise… seeing as how last time I went to one of these parties Rob was nowhere to be found when I was on the trampoline, but oh well. At least I felt cool, for a brief moment, every time Rob introduced me that way. And then we played a stupid drinking game called “Flip Cup” that was truly retarded… but I was actually one of the first people picked for a team! Because I can flip a cup really well??? Poo. So I smoked and smoked and smoked some more – I woke up on Sunday morning with a raspy voice like Marge’s sisters on The Simpsons. Really hot.

I heard a song by a new group on my LaunchCast today – Bedouin Soundclash – they rock and I think I’m going to move to London so I can seem them in concert someday.

Last night I had a nightmare, and it’s been sticking with me all day. Maybe it’s because I’m listening to the the sensitive and wistful melodies sung by Trent Reznor on the NIN album, “The Fragile”. That’s definitely not helping, although a little “Closer” always cheers me up (everyone likes being fucked like an animal).

Whoa, did I just swear?

Anyway, here’s the dream. In describing it to a few people today, they’re quick to ask if I watched a scary movie, or ate a pickle before bed, or was drinking heavily, or various other plausible explanations for why I would dream about the end of the world. I assured all of them that no, I did not do anything out of the ordinary last night. In fact, it was one of the most boring evenings I’ve experienced in a while. Strangely though, when I turned off all of the lights to go up to bed, I was not afraid of the dark.

A friend suggested the first line… it seemed funny at the time but now it’s just scaring me.

The sun was broken.

Everything in the path of the vicious rays coming from the sun could not survive. Where beaches full of happy, smiling, laughing families and lovers once stood, only sand existed now, never again to be beaten by the pounding of cool ocean waves. The water was gone, or at least receeded enough to be unreachable by the humans that so desperately needed it on the coastline. Ashes, or possibly sand, covered the entire planet, creating a destitute landscape of nothingness, save for the bodies covering the ground.

For some reason (and I don’t remember the reason because the dream seemed to drag on and on, but each incredibly long segment was so devoid of answers), Connor and I had to travel during the day. We protested and fought the people taking us, because I knew it was not safe to travel during the day, but we were dragged onto a bus full of screaming people going somewhere. We immediately took cover under a seat to protect our skin from the sun – I remember fearing that I was going to suffocate Connor because I was covering him so much – but he kept assuring me that he was fine. My arms were burning (and I felt it!) but I refused to move, as I knew my arms were the only thing left to save my son.

Then I was in a ruined house. Jay was there – he looked disheveled and dirty, and he obviously hadn’t eaten, showered, or shaved in weeks. I was trying as hard as I could to convince him to leave the home, that it wasn’t safe and eventually he would die there, probably sooner than he thought, if he didn’t come with us. Suddenly a ray of sun – there were visible rays like knives that would shoot out of the sun periodically and disintegrate everything in it’s path – burst through the ceiling and carved a deep black trench through the house between where Jay lay and where I was pleading with him to follow me.

Then I was back in the bus, struggling for air, listening to screams and cries of people with skin exposed all around me, undoubtedly because their skin was being singed. We spotted an overpass, with what looked like thousands of people underneath struggling to stay in the shadows. The bus driver plowed into the crowd of people to ensure we were well into the shadow enough to get all passengers on the bus to safety, but I was sure that not all of the people in the path of the bus had time to move out of the way.

The last thing I remember is seeing Ravneet, with scratches and bruises marking her face and burns covering her arms, and feeling relieved that at least someone else I knew had survived besides just Connor and I. The three of us watched in horror, in the middle of the crowd of people struggling for life, as one by one unfortunate souls would either be cast out violently or would trip, falling into the sunlight, and would wither and die. I realized why Ravneet looked so beaten; I saw huge fights breaking out, and people literally fighting to death just to get a trickle of water from stolen or discarded canteens.

One of the strangest things about my dream was the fact that Connor was there – I’m sure he was the same age as he is now, but every conversation I had with him was as if he were an adult. I never felt fear for his life, because I was so sure that he would survive.

Weird.

CRAZY FUCKED UP SHIT

WOW. So we’re searching for a Scooby Doo translator, or some kind of lingo website, to make Connor’s birthday invitations for. I came across this website, and at first I thought it was real… but the more I look at it the more frightened I become – because I think these people really exist!?! WHERE DO THEY LIVE, and HOW CAN I AVOID THESE FUCKERS!?!

Oh my God. Explain how I can exist, and these people can exist, all on the same stupid planet. Doesn’t seem logical.

Today I was getting ready for work, walking around in my bra and underwear, and I asked Connor if I should wear a dress to work. He said “Yep”, so I grabbed the only dress I have that’s workish, put it on, put a sweater on over it, and left. Craig didn’t say anything about it, Connor said I looked pretty, and I smelled nice so I was happy and ready for an exhilarating day at the job. It wasn’t until I got to work, was seated at my desk checking an email or something equally boring, when someone came up and asked me a question… that I realized quite how, well, flashy my outfit was. I guess flashy isn’t the best word really – I was wearing a low cut dress that really really accentuated my breasts (I love typing that word), and it was apparently very distracting to my coworkers. This certain someone was asking me a question, a very boring question about Halo EOI logic or something complicated, and then his question broke off and he just looked at me a little dumbstruck for a second… I asked if he was OK and he said, simply, “distracted, sorry” – all the while very very obviously looking directly below my face. At first this was fun, as my boobs are quite boring to me, and it’s fun to see the reaction others have while looking at them. I still am amazed that such a boring body part could cause so much excitement in some people. But then I felt really stupid – I am a very intelligent woman, with so many assets to offer that extend well beyond the corporal, but today I was most definitely a piece of meat. I think at one point I was talking to someone else (take a wild guess who, seeing as how there are only like 3 people who talk to me), and his eyes did not even once look anywhere near my face. I think he was staring so hard that he may not have even realized he was doing it – as if everything were normal, just instead of words coming out of my mouth, I learned to talk out of my bra. I told him that I noticed him looking, and he then made a point to look harder – maybe he was trying actually get in there just with his eyes – and said “I’m not even going to hide it anymore, I’m looking and I like it”. It was fun, but also weird. I told him in a flirty way that I was lonely since nobody was talking to me today, and he said, no joke, that it was probably because they didn’t want to have a noticeable issue when they left.

They were pretty cute though. I’d do me.