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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I’m bored.
We’ve had a piano for a while, and we’re taking Connor to lessons to learn how to play it, too. It’s a good skill to have, as far as I’m concerned, and he’s getting better and better at it – it’s fun to watch him! He even makes his own songs all the time. They have quiet sections, loud sections, he doesn’t just bang on the notes… I don’t know how far he’ll take it but we’re willing to let him try for now, especially since he doesn’t protest (so we’re not forcing him to). The other day we went online and looked at videos of people playing piano on YouTube, and we saw some pretty amazing stuff – 4 year old children playing complex Mozart pieces, 7 year old children playing their own compositions… Then we stumbled on this piece, and I’m now addicted. I’ve never had formal lessons, and I don’t know all of the keys in E minor, but I’m going to figure them out somehow. I’m going to learn this piece. And I’m going to play it.
I love babies. I really do. Babies and kids and family and all of the fun wrapped up in it. What I do not like, however, is people that have never had children and still act like they’ve got all the experience that goes along with parenthood. Kris brought his son here today, and it’s fun to see that little kid… but then they walked over to where the clique of turds all hang out, and it turned REALLY annoying! They all come out of their cubes and offices and start schmoozing, trying to be the “cutest” to the baby placed in front of them. Sure, people all get a kick out of making a child smile, but some discretion in the office would be greatly appreciated, especially to those of us that are still working! Or pretending to work at least.
The worst of the offenders has to be Andrea. “Hiiiiiii!!!! Hooowwww aaarrrreeee yooooouuuuu? Cootchie cootchie coo! Zzzzzzhhhhhheeeeewp! Zzzzzzzzzzzzhhhhheeeeeewp!” I can only imagine that the last two strange sounds were accompanied with funny little motions to “get his nose” or something equally stupid. I remember that when I was pregnant, she’d talk to my stomach with that silly voice, as if the child inside were going to recognize and immediately enjoy the company of this weird looking Soul-Glo woman in front of him, flaunting her womanly features to everyone, even unborn children and pregnant women. I remember that when Connor was little like that, Craig would bring him into the office and she would act SO motherly, insisting that she’s a baby whisperer or something. I’d tell a story about my son, and she’d barely listen, following my story with a similar (though completely unrelated – figure that one out) story about a friend of a friend or something… with some child involved. I brought in pictures of my child… and she followed it up by bringing in a picture of her friend’s child… how silly! How pathetic!
What does she think, that by being motherly, her weird whiny boyfriend will find her more attractive or something? Women with DOGS attract men. Women on BIKES attract men. BELIEVE ME, women with children are rarely an attraction to men – men don’t want the extra baggage, they don’t want the extra responsibility. Not that I’m some kind of disgusting thing that all men will back away from, but that’s beside the point. My point is this: WHY IF SHE IS SO FREE AND YOUNG AND ATHLETIC does she also have to pretend to be a mother? I’M A MOTHER. I’m the same fucking age, and I’ve “been there, done that”, and I don’t have all of the other shit that she has, but I’m not trying to go get it. I don’t try to go out every weekend, I don’t work out at the butt-crack of dawn because I want to look hot (though if I had the fucking time, I would), I don’t date and act cute and have a silly voice that I use when I’m talking to men… I act my role! I play my part! Why can’t she play hers!?!
You know what else bugs the shit out of me? This is unrelated, kinda. Just a thought I had that I can’t hold in because it’s a good way of passing the time before I can leave this place. I can’t stand women that call their friends that happen to be women their “girlfriends”. Do they call their friends that happen to be men their “boyfriends”? No. It’s an endearing term that these women are using to show come camaraderie among their girly friends, and to exemplify that you are not among this select group. Please people, call your friends your friends. If you’re dating a person, you may call him or her by her appropriate term (girl- or boy- friend). It’s so petty, but usually what also goes along with women that have “girlfriends” is a bunch of snooty-gossipy discussion, spa days, and exclusivity.
So there. Another thing that continues to bother the shit out of me is Casey’s laugh. Her giggle scrapes at my bones.
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Craig’s mom is going to make me go crazy. Or maybe I am already crazy, but his mother is just going to make it worse, and it seems like she WANTS to make it worse, because she thinks it’s funny or something! Because she likes having power over something? Because she’s evil? Because she’s just dumb? I don’t know. What I do know is this: last time, I didn’t realize the full extent of her wrath until Connor was born, and it was brutal. This time, she’s starting in early – I’m only 8 weeks pregnant! The worst thing is that she seems so innocent to my family, to Craig; but I know that she’s being manipulative and it’s really not acceptable to me. For instance – she called this weekend to see if I wanted her to come “get Connor” so that I could relax a little. Now, maybe it’s just because I have a bit of knowledge of how the body works and she’s a total retard, but I’m very early in pregnancy, so none of my normal functions are restricted yet. I can move, I can pick up my kid and go down the slide and play and jog and jump… I don’t need someone to take my kid to do those fun things because I can’t handle them yet! GRR! Then today she sent me an email asking me the same thing; do I need any help, do I need her to get me anything, do I want her to come take my child from me so that I can relax. I’m sorry – I’m not going to do that to Connor! The thing he needs MOST right now is for mommy to be paying a lot of attention to him and showing him that I love him LOTS, because when this baby comes all of our lives are going to be flipped upside down and I want Connor to remember and cherish the time we had before this. Not that having a sibling is going to be bad – but it’s going to take some getting used to. And I’m not going to have the icky munga come and take my kid, feed him lots of shitty food and candy and cake, and force him to be up doing ridiculous things all day because it’s fun for Munga to watch him. Connor is a plaything for her, his health and well-being is taken for granted by her. It’s so frustrating. She did that kind of thing to us when Connor was born too – she’d offer to come over and have us “go for a walk and get fresh air” or whatever her stupid suggestion was for the day – just so that she could have time alone with our brand new baby. Even though I HAD HOUSED HIM IN MY WOMB FOR 9 FUCKING MONTHS! He’s my kid! And I deserve time with him. I’m just the kind of person that when I need help, I ask for it – all of these offers of assistance are really unwanted, and even more unwanted because I know there’s an ulterior motive for them.
Oh yeah! And then she also said in that stupid fucking email today (sorry, I’m getting more agitated the longer I think about it) that I should “put my feet up and relax” because I “TEND TO DO SOME SERIOUS SWELLING“. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! Doesn’t she KNOW that the mere idea of swelling up to that point again was what PREVENTED ME FROM WANTING ANOTHER CHILD AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want that to happen! I don’t want people to remember it! I wish she weren’t around at ALL the first time so that she wouldn’t be able to make ANY FUCKING COMMENTS ABOUT IT AGAIN! God! She’s so seriously stupid. To call to attention the weight gain of a prior pregnancy for a woman that is newly pregnant again – that’s just asking for trouble. I fear it’s going to spark some fun for the rest of this stupid 8 months that’s just going to make things really really friggin’ icky.
So I Googled “Crazy Ass Mother-In-Law”, and as it turns out, Ann isn’t the worst of them – she’s just teetering on the edge. Using my mom’s philosophy, I guess that fact could make things all cheery and happy for me – the fact that my mother in law is only on the “somewhat crazy” end of the crazy spectrum means my life could be a lot worse with a lot crazier woman.
It must be hard, but seriously – if Connor ever meets a woman that he’s in love with, I’m going to back off like MAD until he invites me or until I feel it’s safe to ask to be introduced. I just don’t CARE, as long as she’s a good person, what difference does it make! I hope to God she’s not like me – one of those cute and fake girls would be so much easier to deal with (for a man) and I don’t care if she even has a brain. Ugh. That’s of no importance though. It’s just annoying.
I was talking to Craig about this yesterday, and I’ve decided that life just isn’t fair. There’s no explanation for it, it’s just the way it is. For example – there are no “ailments” that regularly affect men that cause as many terrible side effects as pregnancy. Though I haven’t actually thrown up once, I have been constantly sick for the past 4 weeks. Either starving (which is actually the preferable feeling), or nauseous and starving, or just nauseous. If a man were to feel this way, he’d be complaining to everyone about it (and yes, I know that if a man were to feel this way, he’d probably have pancreatic cancer or worse… but that’s not my point). But I, on the other hand, must suffer in silence. While people around me eat nasty smelling Chinese food, I must sit here and act like I’m not about to vomit all over my computer screen. And worse! Then when I put on really smelly hand sanitizer to overpower the smell of the Chinese food, people walk by and comment on how fruity it smells over here! Oh, they have no idea the wrath that I have wished up on them when their mouths are blabbering away about the smell coming from my cube. AT LEAST it doesn’t smell like cooked cat mixed with gravy.
Today, in a brief and painful moment where I didn’t have my headphones on, I heard Patrick talking to Andrea about something he’s working on. Pat thinks there’s something wrong, Andrea looked at it and thinks it’s fine… and then Andrea said (in her gratingly whiny voice), “Well, I guess I could take a gander at it…” At that moment, I literally did almost puke, and then I put my headphones back on. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a different world here, especially with those headphones on, and I guess if in my special alone world nobody ever says they’re going to gander at anything, it’s a good place to be.
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I’ve been searching like crazy for a new job lately, and nothing’s come up yet. I haven’t really submitted a lot of resumes, because as stupid as it sounds, I’m not really interested in finding the same fucking job I already have. I don’t want a job where I sit at a computer typing away like a robot all day long. I don’t know what I want, really, and if any freakin’ person out there in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD has any suggestions, I’m all ears. Or eyes, in this case. I just want someone to 1) care about me and want to help, and 2) actually give me some good advice or some good leads or something. I don’t want to get involved in dad’s MLM “business opportunity” of the year. I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on more training for something I’m not sure I want to do (medical transcriptionist or similar). I don’t want to work at McDonald’s. I don’t want to sell life insurance. I’m a smart, educated, and experienced young person – why do I feel like I’m more stuck than a factory worker? At least they have a skill.
I think I’m a good writer. Some people make money writing blogs, and I want to know how they do that. More stupid research.
I think I’m a good cook, and I think opening a breakfast/lunch restaurant is a really good idea – if there were one near us, we’d be there frequently on the weekends. Someplace with healthy foods, good coffee, nice music playing, bright windows… y’know? A relaxing but energizing place to start your day. But how can I start a restaurant? Not in the immediate time, that’s for sure.
Anyway. I’m starving.
