I also really like reading your blog. It’s like a good dose of reality that helps me through tough days, and it’s well written! I want to write like you. =) Love ya lizzo.

But I am judging you for not emailing me! Judge, judge, judge.

–> (the hug fits here, I guess) <–

What kind of role would you be okay with Ann having, especially with respect to your kids? Be as specific as you can.

What kind of relationship does Craig want with her? You? Spell those out, too. The exercise might sound silly, but without a positive set of boundaries no one can appropriately toe the line.

Also, as much as it’s been crazy, try to keep those parameterized lists in terms of positives.

Once limits are in place, next it’s time to define protocol. That might come across as too formal, but often it’s how things take place (as opposed to what takes place) that causes friction. Plans for communication and travel are the most obvious, but others exist, too.

If the whole thing is approached from a place of love, from a positive point of view, the more likely it is to be accepted. If you begin the discourse with reassurances (like “We wanted to find a way, without getting upset or blaming anyone, to open communication and to be completely clear about how we all operate”), you might not find an immediate argument. But you have to tell her these things.

The goal is to be able to point to protocols or boundaries when things aren’t as they should be, rather than pointing fingers.

Clearly, though, some of those things have to be revisited every once in a while. Kids do grow up, circumstances change, and so on.

Some people are just high maintenance, though. Those lady things you don’t really like? You should consider going every so often. You should also encourage Craig to make solo visits every now and again. In the end, crazy or not, she’s still human (for argument’s sake).

I was just at a camp-fire with drunk people almost twice my age. (Well, about fifteen years older than me.) As I was driving home, I decided to try and come up with life-dreams. It’s so easy to notice and be resentful of people who seem constantly content, if not happy. (I do that all the time, in my awkward, wallflower-y way.) My new hope, and one I think might work for you as well, is trying to focus on finding my own happy, whatever it is that might be.

Because I think you’re right. It’s nauseating being an outsider watching pretentious social displays. Not caring, in the Zen kind of way, isn’t realistic as a goal, either. I’d rather care about something else so intensely that I don’t have a need to care so much about the people around me.

I mean, I’m still a whiny brat, after all.

I’m sorry you’ve been vulnerable lately. Part of that, as you’re noticing, is that, in your needs-paradigm, you haven’t figured out how to sate yourself.

Me either.

So, uh, yeah. A past therapist of mine told me that I see the world in terms of needs and how they can be met, which isn’t always realistic since my definitions aren’t necessarily universal–or even reciprocated.

If I had to pass off lame advice, it would be to tell people close to you what you need from them. Everything from “I need you to be silly” to “I need you to compliment me” to “I need you to listen.” I’m constantly surprised at how much the major people in my life miss out on what I thought they already understood.

Because even if you’re not so convinced of it, the people in your life see you as special in legitimate and powerful ways.

…so try to let the good sink in?