I hate having to think of a title for a blog entry.
Last night I had really bad dreams. They actually started out good, exciting, dirty… and then monsters and demons and evil stuff crept in, and I spent the rest of the night trying to get back to the original dream. I never succeeded. I hate it when I wake up from a bad dream, because it really sets the mood for the day. Today I’m afraid, and for no good reason, of zombies and bogeymen coming out of the shadows to get me.
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So for the first hour of work, I did random stuff, mostly not related to programming or finishing any of the many things I have on my plate. I checked out if anyone gives a crap about me (i.e. looked at the different registries we have to see if any new things were marked off – none were), fiddled around on Facebook, looked at my invites for the party this weekend, and then I noticed that Jason had responded to the invite. He wrote:
Bud Light and a “sprinkler set up” … holy crap is that ever a tempting offer. Unfortunately, I shall have to decline because parties are so stupid.
What a jackass. I understand that Jason Jones has some issues, I don’t understand what they are exactly, but mostly I think his brain is messed up and he likes to take that out on others. I still don’t think he needs to shit on everyone’s parade all of the time; he probably would be more beneficial to people if he wrote more random notes about interesting topics on Facebook or wherever he decides to write them, and kept his mouth shut about things that make other people happy. His comment combined with the feeling I’ve had this morning from my nightmares made me even more surly. I guess he succeeded.
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I walked into the bathroom earlier and a very prissy looking woman was leaving one of the stalls, having just flushed the toilet. I got so irritated though, because she was the only person in the bathroom, and she chose to pee in the stupid handicapped toilet. Maybe the people in this building are so fucking retarded and oblivious that they don’t notice that the toilet in that stall flushes for a full minute, but FUCK! People! It FLUSHES FOR A MINUTE! For fucking pee! And I wanted to tell her that she’s an idiot, and that next time she fucking pees, or the next 15 times she pees, she shouldn’t flush the toilet because she’s wasted SO MUCH WATER in that one flush that she’ll never make up for it, but instead I just gave her a forced smile (hopefully making it look exceptionally painful) and walked into one of the other 4 normal fucking stalls in the bathroom. God. People are idiots.
The last rant seems related to the anger I’m feeling to day, but in fact it’s not; I’ve had this feeling about people using the handicapped stall for a long time. I mostly hold that shit in and don’t let people know how annoying they are, but this one had to escape today.
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Ok, so I’m sorry for writing a bunch of angry ranting random crap. I also wanted to write something about Connor, and this time it’s not angry.
Yesterday, as Connor and I were driving through the Lincoln Consolidated Schools property (we cut through on the way to school), Connor noticed that a single construction worker was out in the football field, digging with a shovel. They’ve been doing some prep work for a while now, and he must have been the first one on the scene for the day. I didn’t notice the man, because I was looking at a large group of men closer to the school around a big machine, presumably getting ready to take it out to the field and dig, too. Connor and I were being pretty quiet for the drive because we were both a little tired, and the cool breeze coming in through the open sunroof felt good and urged a silence.
Connor broke that silence with this, “Mommy, that guy out there is digging all alone. Nobody’s out there bothering him. That looks peaceful.” [He pronounces it peace-a-ful.]
I just smiled. He’s only three, almost four, but wise beyond his years, and definitely beyond my wildest imagination of the wisdom a child could possess.
BLECH. I’m not liking this new form. Today we went out for Japanese food, and the waitress immediately said “You’re having a girl!” Wow! She’s right! I was impressed, so I asked how she knew… and her answer was that I’m carrying wide. I guess that could be true, I’m not really sure, but it doesn’t feel pretty. Then we went to Dairy Queen afterward (Craig insisted – it wasn’t my idea!) and there was a tiny skinny black woman there with a cute little bubble belly and I was so jealous. That’s all I have to say about that.
Hey, is it allowed to say she was black? Do I have to say she was African American? What if her ancestors weren’t from Africa?
I gave Scott my proposal for working part-time today, and strangely he never even addressed it. He acted as if he never received it, so I’m almost tempted to send it again. I set a date within the proposal of beginning this adjusted schedule on August 15th, so he doesn’t really have a whole lot of time. If he doesn’t say anything tomorrow, I’ll definitely bring it up again so that we can schedule a discussion for Friday. I hope he mentions it tomorrow. I spent some serious time on that thing.
I’m feeling worn out today, and my brain’s not working quite right. At dinner I had a long discussion with Rachel about the office and the inner workings of it, and I don’t feel like I helped her at all; when we left I was sure that I had made things worse for her. I’m hoping that it’s just my insecurities getting in the way of rational thought, because I usually can be a good listener and a motivational speaker (hey, another new career choice!) – but the rhythm just wasn’t with me today. If she just up and quits, I will make sure to let it be known the reason why, because this kind of thing can’t keep happening. If she sticks it out, hopefully she will be able to create positive change at least for her own well-being. It’s really defeating to see all of these good people get worn down by that place. I’m always confused as to how I’ve lasted so long, but I think I’ve developed some kind of survival mechanism that keeps me alert and aware of the pain and suffering, but able to persevere.
Maybe I should find out how I do that, and try to teach it somehow.
Now, I will turn on the TV and mush out.
Connor caught a fish today! TWO fish, actually! I wish they didn’t always go fishing when I was working, but I guess it’s a cool father/son thing to do, and I don’t need to be around for it all the time. Connor called me and was very concerned because one of the fish had the hook really stuck in his mouth, and he was worried that it was going to die. But then daddy fixed it, and it went back into the water, and swam away (which, in a three-year-old’s mind, means it was ok).
Random thought: why in the world do people use those ridiculous toilet seat covers when they go to the bathroom to pee? I never use them, they’re stupid. You’re sitting on the toilet for all of 30 seconds (usually), and that is just not enough time to have anything get on your butt. Plus, if there’s something ON the toilet (like a drop of pee or something), why would you just cover it up with flimsy tissue paper and then SIT ON IT anyway? Is paper impermeable to bacteria? No, it’s not. The bugs in the whatever it is that you’re covering can get through the paper. Why not just grab a small wad of toilet paper, wipe off the seat a bit, and THEN sit down? Women are so stupid. I was talking about this with Rachel the other day, and she said that it’s an overwhelming number of people actually using those things, and we’re actually the outcasts. I saw some stickers at school on one of those dispensers that said “THESE ARE MADE FROM TREES”, and apparently that’s supposed to detract people from using the things. I’m thinking of making some stickers of my own and secretly pasting them on the dispensers here. My stickers will say something like “Don’t be a dumb bimbo – skip the paper seat cover”. Or something like that, maybe a little more clever.
It’s silly to be irritated over something so irrelevant, but really – that has to be one of the worst inventions I can think of. And some paper company is making TONS of money off idiotic people that think a little piece of tissue paper is going to protect your butt from the evil bugs that lurk on the cold toilet seat (not much can actually live in a dry, cold environment, so there really aren’t a lot of bugs on the seat – I’ve checked). You know what we need? Squat toilets. Then you wouldn’t want to sit down on anything, and there’d be no need for some seat cover. Probably some evil old man would then invent “disposable floor covers” or something, and stupid careless office workers would get them to protect their shoes from evil nasty pee.
